Arkiv for kategorien "Vitser"

Who’s fault?

An economist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – and make you feel it’s your fault.

M1

It’s not easy being an economist. How would you like to go through life pretending you knew what M1 was all about?

Season adjustment

Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?

He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.

Why we answer

Economists don’t answer to questions others make because they know what the answer is. They answer because they are asked.

Relax the assumption

I begin with the assumption that economists have their uses. I know many of you will disagree with this, but as economists themselves say, ‘we can relax the assumption later’.

Grasp of the obvious!

What does it take to be a good economist? An unshakeable grasp of the obvious!

Law of Economists

The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.

The Second Law of Economists: They’re both wrong.

Different premises

Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.

Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.

And why is that, inquired his companion,

Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.

www.uh.edu/~trdegreg/econjoke.htm

Price is important

«My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?»

«Well, yes, I guess I would.»

«How about $100?»

«What kind of person do you think I am?»

«My Dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price!»

Lenke:
www.csuchico.edu/econ/old/links/econhumor.html

Matematikeren, regnskapsføreren og makroøkonomen

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks «What do two plus two equal?» The mathematician replies «Four.» The interviewer asks «Four, exactly?» The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says «Yes, four, exactly.»

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question «What do two plus two equal?» The accountant says «On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question «What do two plus two equal?» The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says «What do you want it to equal?»

Jokes about economists and economics

Doktorgradsstudenter

Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.

The three most terrifying words

The three most terrifying words in the English language

Macroeconomists agree that…

Yoram Bauman om den finansielle krisen

Punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.

«What a crummy deal!» The man complained. «I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman.»

An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, «Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?»

God’s profession

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God’s real profession. The philosopher said, «Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live.» «Ridiculous!» said the biologist «Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist.» «Wrong,» said the architect. «Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!» «Well,» said the economist, «where do you think the chaos came from?»

Rente

There are two types of economists:

(1) those who cannot forecast interest rates, and
(2) those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates.

Microeconomists and Macroeconomists

Microeconomists are people that are wrong about specific things, and macroeconomists are people that are wrong about things in general.

Tidlig krøkes

The mathematician’s child and the economist’s child were in the third grade together, and the teacher asked,

«If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?»

 Both children raised their hands. The teacher said to the mathematician’s child, «Johnny, how long?» and Little Johnny said,

«One day, teacher.»

The teacher looked at the economist’s child and said, «John Maynard, is that right?»
Little John Maynard replied,

«Teacher, it all depends.»

Principles of economics, translated

De 10 originale prinsippene:

1. People face tradeoffs

2. Cost of something is what you give up to get it

3. Rational people think at the margin

4. People respond to incentives

5. Trade can make everyone better off

6. Markets are usually a good way to organize economic activity

7. Governments can sometimes improve market outcomes

8. A country’s standard of living depends on its ability to produce goods and services

9. Prices rise when the government prints too much money

10. Society faces a short-run tradeoff between inflation and unemployment Fortsett å lese ‘Principles of economics, translated’

Central banker

A central banker walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get it. There a clerk asks him: «Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?»

The central banker replies: «I’m feeling rather hungry right now. You’d better cut it into eight pieces.»

pizza.jpg

Economists and Reality

Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.

«Obviously not,» says the other. «If there were, someone would have picked it up!»

«How’s your wife?»

Two economists meet on the street.

One inquires, «How’s your wife?»

The other responds, «Relative to what?»

Horseshoe

An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the doorframe of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied «it is a good luck charm that helps my forecasts».
«But do you believe in that superstition?» he was asked.

«Of course not!» he said, «but it works whether you believe in it or not.»

hestesko.jpg

What does your father do?

A primary school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Kevin, you be first. What does your mother do all day?”

Fortsett å lese ‘What does your father do?’

Old school

An economist returns to visit his old school. He’s interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: «the questions are always the same – only the answers change!»

skole.jpg

Deer hunting

Three econometricians go hunting, and spot a large deer. The first econometrician fires, but his shot goes three feet wide to the left. The second econometrician fires, but also misses, by three feet to the right. The third econometrician starts jumping up and down, shouting «We got it! We got it!»

Conservative economists

Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in!

Spillteori

«Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase.

The other policeman protests.
‘While we’re doodling,’ he points out, ‘he is making his getaway.’

‘Relax,’ says the game-theorist policeman. ‘He’s got to figure it out
too, don’t he?'»

(Takk til Erlend Estenstad)

The economist and his keys

One night a policeman saw a macroeconomist looking for something by a lightpole.
He asked him if he had lost something there.

The economist said, «I lost my keys over in the alley.»

The policeman asked him why he was looking by the lightpole.

The economist responded, «it’s a lot easier to look over here.»

keyes.jpg

Cannibals and Economists

A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Artists’ Brains $9/lb Philosophers’ Brains $12/lb Scientists’ Brains $15/lb Economists’ Brains $19/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, «My those economists’ brains must be popular!» To which the butcher replied, «Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!»

What does an economist do?

Q: What does an economist do?

A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.